Today was hard! It was one of the worst in a long time. Joshua didn’t want to go to school this morning. We got out to the bus and he started whining about going to school. So, I was talking with him about it and as soon as the bus came he bolted for the house. I told the bus driver to go ahead, apparently I was taking him to school this morning. When I got to the house he had locked me out. Fortunately, my older kids were inside and could let me in. I let Joshua calm down in his room for a while. Eventually I got him out to the car and into the car seat to go to school. He was still screaming. We pulled into the school parking lot and I spend the next hour attempting to drag him kicking and screaming, along with Luke, into the the school. I finally got him up to the door only to be told that he wasn’t allowed in the building like that and he would have to calm down first. I left, crying. Josh and Luke were crying too. It was fun.
As I drove home I began to worry about what I would do about this not going to school thing. How would I ever get him to go to school again? Would I have to homeschool him? Could I handle that? All kinds of questions.
I still don’t know the answers to any of that, but a little voice whispered to me, just live in today, don’t worry about tomorrow. That’s so hard to do! I want to worry about what’s going to happen in the morning when I attempt to get him on the bus. I want to worry about what will happen if he refuses to go to school and what will happen with him 10 years from now. I cannot do anything about any of that. The only time I have any control over is right now. God knows what is in the future. He knows the answers to all my questions and He will reveal all that in His time. Until then, worrying about it does me no good. I cannot change any outcomes by worrying. For someone with anxiety that is way easier said than done, but I am working on it. I don’t know what the future holds for Joshua, but I know God does have a plan. I will just have to be secure in that and rest in today. We will see if I remember that tomorrow.