Complicated Beginnings

Some of us were born into families with two parents. Some of us were born into families who were praying God would bless them with a baby. Some of us were loved and wanted from the moment we were conceived. And some of us weren’t. Some of us come from very complicated beginnings. Unwanted pregnancy, teen mothers, rape, incest, prostitution, really complicated and messy stuff. If you came from an ideal family scenario then you may not understand this blog post, but for those of you who didn’t, for those of you who came from more complicated places, I am writing to you.

I came from a complicated beginning. I was conceived out-of-wedlock to teenage parents. If you have a complicated story like mine you understand the hurt that brings. It’s no one’s fault really, but as a child born into that situation you feel unwanted. You feel like an inconvenience and like maybe you were an afterthought and God didn’t really plan your birth. Like maybe two people made a poor choice and you were the unwanted result and then God was forced to work that for His good, but it wasn’t really His first plan. I took solace in knowing that as much as they were able, my teenage parents loved each other and me, but I always knew that I made life more difficult for them. That is not an easy burden to bear and it stays with you. You have this label that sits above your head all the time that says, “unwanted”. Even though I was adopted to parents who very much loved and wanted me, it doesn’t change that nagging thought in the back of your head. I know some of you know what I am talking about.

I was reading in Luke chapter 11 and I came across something that really spoke to me. It was a light bulb moment you could say. Here it is, Luke 11:10-13

 “Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing—you’re at least decent to your own children. And don’t you think the Father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?”

Check out the words in bold. Conceived you in love. Read it again. Some of us carry around this scar of not being wanted but if we read this verse it clearly states, that even if your earthy parents did not, that God conceived you in love. When a child is conceived we humans think it is the result of the will of two people, a man and woman. However, if you read the Bible closely you will see that it is God who is also there in that moment and it’s God who conceives that child also. God was there in my story, at the very beginning. He did just pick up the pieces of my story after I was conceived, He was there and apart of my first seconds of being a single cell. He was involved and He conceived me in love. Let that sink in for a minute. God conceived you in love, not matter what your earthy parents situation was. Whether they wanted you or not, God did. He planned your conception and birth. It was no accident. And whether or not your parents loved you or even wanted you, God did. For me that helps to heal some scars, if I will allow it. I hope it touches some of you with complicated beginnings as well.

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