Don’t judge me

I find there is way too much judgement between people. I find this is especially true with moms. Why are we as moms so quick to judge another mom for doing something we don’t agree with? And this isn’t big stuff really, it’s the little stuff. Yesterday I was in Aldi getting groceries. I walked into the store with only my youngest, 2-year-old, in tow. Shopping with only one kid instead of four is heaven! Anyway, my son wanted to walk instead of being in the cart, so I let him. We did great for the first 20 feet or so and then we passed a display of wine. I went over and picked out a bottle and put it into the cart. He proceeded to pick up a bottle also, but didn’t make it to the cart, instead it landed, loudly, on the tile floor. Glass and wine everywhere. Surprisingly this is the first time I have had one of my kids break something in a store. So, I went to tell the check out lady what had happened and they came to clean up. However, at this point my two-year old now smells like wine. lol. So, we proceeded with our shopping trip. He then found a box of fruit roll ups he wanted. I usually try to stay away from that sort of thing, limiting sugar with my kids is a good thing. But I decided to give in and told him he could have one if he got into the cart. I didn’t want him breaking anything else. He agreed,so I opened the box and let him have one. I then went on shopping. I was walking down the next aisle when I noticed a mom with three young kids trying to shop. One of her kids saw my son with the fruit roll up and asked it he could open something. She said, “no, we don’t do that, we don’t open things in the store.” With a very judgemental tone and loud enough so I could hear her. I went on and the same thing happened again when we met on another aisle.

I made it to the checkout and a woman was behind me in line. I had gotten all my groceries onto the conveyor belt and the wine I was purchasing kept rolling towards her. She looked horrified and said, “your wine keeps rolling towards me, I don’t drink.” I smiled and said, “sorry”. As I was walking out of the store I felt very judged. Judged for letting my son open something before we bought it and for buying wine. Although I must admit I was not very contrite about the whole thing. I was really thinking that the mother of three kids who was judging me for letting my son open something while she was screaming at her kids to sit down and be quiet should just have let her kids open something and then they would have been quietly eating like mine. ๐Ÿ™‚ And I was also thinking that they other lady in the checkout who was judging my wine purchase should maybe sample some wine herself and then she wouldn’t be so uptight about it all. Okay, maybe that last thought wasn’t very Christian of me, she has convictions about wine, obviously, and I respect that but just don’t make comments to me about it, it’s not necessary.

Why do we judge others? I must admit I too was judging those who I felt judged by. Why did I even care what they thought? I shouldn’t, but on some level I do. I think we all just want to know we are not alone in this thing called life. And I think we are all just doing the best we can to get by and we do that in all different ways. I am not a bad person for letting my kids eat fruit roll ups in the store before purchasing them, if you have never shopped with four boys in tow you have no idea what it’s like. And I am not a bad person for letting my kids watch TV every now and again, okay so everyday, but I am still not a bad mom. I need some peace every now and then and TV achieves that so I can do things like cook dinner or go to the bathroom by myself. As moms, we should stick together more and not judge each other. There are no perfect mothers and we are all just doing the best we can with what we have. I would love to say my kids ย never watch TV, play video games or eat junk food. I would love to say they eat five servings of veggies everyday and read one hour, yeah right. I make mistakes and sometimes I mess up as a parent or let something slide that I shouldn’t, but I have learned over the past nine years of parenting that you can’t take yourself too seriously. It will not permanently damage your child to watch TV or eat junk food every now and then. We should see other moms and cheer them on, not judge them and make them feel worthless.

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4 thoughts on “Don’t judge me

  1. Great encouragement. I have been reminded not to be judgmental of others, but I have never, that I remember, had people be so rude to me. (Well, not since I quit teaching anyway.) I hope I can respond with grace the day someone does that to me…or just pop open that bottle, take a swig and offer her one as well. She needs it. It will help her relax. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. I agree 100%!! There have been a handful of times when I’ve been in the grocery store and I’m looking for a particular item…probably one I had a coupon for and was on sale, lol. My boys are way too big for the cart and even if they weren’t they are too heavy to lift that high. So, yes, my kids run amuck in the aisles or mess with everything on the shelves. Most people smile at me and at the boys and say how precious they are. That usually comes right after I’ve fussed at them for sending me over the edge. I know it may come as a surprise to all those ladies grocery shopping, but I would really like it if my kids walked quietly and politely beside me while I stopped every five seconds to figure out what I need on each and every aisle, but let’s face it…that’s not going to happen unless I drug them. So, yes, after 10 or 15 minutes of running all over the place, cutting people off, messing with shelves and each other I finally get to my “I’m done” point. Every once in a while, though, I happen to be on the same aisle with a lady that doesn’t understand what I’m going through and will either make comments under her breath, frown at my boys and then me, or completely ignore my existence when I apologize for them; but she’ll look at the shelves with disdain at what my kids have done while I stood there debating on which cleaner might work better for the bathroom. I walk away feeling like the worst mom because I couldn’t control my kids.

    Because of that, I always try to make sure I give other moms who are either wrestling their kids like me or calmly and quietly walking through the store a smile. You just never know what people are dealing with on a daily basis.

  3. Have a lot to say in reply because everything you said hit home, but I’m too worn out to say it! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Why do we judge? Well…generally it comes from a need to deflect from our own insecurities & deficiencies. It’s easier to point out the wrong we perceive in others than it is to look at where we ourselves fall short. With that being said, I think most of us would agree, that no one style of parenting works for ALL kids. So the next time we see a mom dealing with a challenging child just being a kid, remind ourselves that we don’t have all the answers & that surely that mom is doing the best she can.
    Thanks for bringing this issue to light! I often feel like I fall short as a mom because of the hours I spend working at my career. I also do the best I can…sorry haven’t achieved perfection yet. Perhaps, that is a good response for judgmental moms…lol.

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