It has been a rough few weeks. Lots of things have happened that we didn’t expect. Lots of broken down cars, hospital stays and broken computers. Sometimes it just feels like I am trudging through mud each day. There are times in life when it just feels like nothing is going right and I wonder when it’s going to end. Life is a series of ups and downs. Sometimes you are on the mountain and sometimes in the valley. It’s been a valley time lately. Not the worst valley I have ever been in for sure, but I am ready for greener pastures. During these times when it just seems to rain and rain I wonder what God is doing. It doesn’t make sense to my human brain. He has his own plans and they certainly aren’t working with mine right this minute.
Today we have learned that my husband’s car is going to cost way more than we want to spend to get it running again. It’s an old car anyway, and we have decided it’s best to just find another car for us. But that means a car payment. I know that is not a big deal to most people but we have worked so hard to be debt free and now we have no choice but to take on debt again. Yuck! It makes me sad. I knew this day would come, although I expected it would be debt from our adoption and not our car. It seems to me, in my human mind, that this is not a good time for more debt. And I want to question why this would happen, but I know that it just does. It rains on the just and the unjust. Everyone has cars that break down at the most inconvenient of times, and we are not exempt just because we trying to pour every cent into our adoption expenses right now.
I trust that God knows what we have need of. He knew we would be in this place, with a dead car and adoption expenses to pay. I know he will provide for us as He sees fit. I just have to remember this is not my life that I have planned out all neat and tidy. Living for God is messy and expensive at times. It is not in a clean little box all tied with a bow. Stuff happens, but God knows about it all and has known we would face these trials from the beginning. I just have to trust.