I just read a blog post by another mom and her recent end to childbearing. Her husband just went in for the snip snip surgery. She was lamenting the end of her era of having children and yet she knows in her head that this is the right choice for her due to a number of factors in her life. I too have struggled with this question, when is the right time for us to close up shop, as it were. I confess that there have been many times lately, having four little ones that I have wondered if we should just be done now. It’s a lot of work, but something makes me sad about this idea. And as this mother in the blog said, she wondered if she would be sad to stop having children even if she had 16! I agree with that. I think there is something innate, in some woman, to want to have more children, no matter how many you have. If that weren’t the case then there wouldn’t be these families with 10+ kids.
I know that not all of you out there reading this feel this way. Some of you are good with not having any kids or just having one. And that is perfectly fine. God makes us all differently and each family is unique for a reason. But for me, I really enjoy having children and I would love to have a million, if I could afford it and we had a big enough van. lol. Just kidding I really wouldn’t want that many, so don’t think I am going all Duggar on you. But I do confess to wanting just one more. And I think that might always be the case. I think it’s more of the idea that I can have more, if I want to. Having been through miscarriages and then this recent surgery that I didn’t have to have that would have possibly affecting my ability to have more children, I view the ability to have children as a privilege. There are so many women out there who want children desperately and cannot have any. I don’t understand why God allows that to happen, I have to say. I know He has reasons for everything, but when I see those women hurting and wanting to have children and then not being able to, my heart breaks for them. And then there are so many women who can get pregnant and do, and then don’t want the baby. It’s just one of those mysteries of God, to me. So, I feel like I should be extremely grateful that I can have children. And I don’t take that responsibility lightly. So, as I approach the end of my childbearing years, yes I know I am only 31 but it’s coming up quicker than I would like, I begin to ponder the loss of the ability to have kids. It makes me sad and I don’t like the idea.
So, what is my point? If you have kids, be grateful for them. If you have the ability to have children, be grateful for that too and don’t take it lightly, because there are so many women out there who can’t. And for my own personal self I don’t want to look back on my life after menopause and wish I had one more kid. I think I will know when it’s the end for us. I still, even as crazy as it sounds, do long for another little Byrum. I really must be crazy! But I think it’s a longing God puts in mother’s hearts. I can say if it weren’t there, we would probably die out as a human race because I know no man who would want more than one kid. (sorry to all my male readers, if you happen to feel differently, but I bet if you are honest you would say I am right) I know my husband would be more than happy to keep it to four kids, heck, I think he would have stopped with our oldest, but that is why God made women different from men.
I would like to clear up one point just for the rumor mill, I AM NOT pregnant. I will not be pregnant any time soon, I am just talking about someday in the distant future that may or may not ever happen. So, no need to Facebook me and ask. 😉 I am just saying I am thankful for my little blessings, and all the losses I have gone through have made me realize what a blessing it is to be able to have children.