You must pardon this post, it is about something that is driving me crazy lately. So this might turn into a bit of a rant, I just never know where these blog posts are headed sometimes. lol. I just start writing about a subject that I am thinking about, and then it takes on a life of its own. So, back to my rant.
I have noticed lately that people are using a new phrase, well it’s new to me anyway, “just sayin'”. Judging by context this phrase is ment to mean “this is what I think about this subject and it might be offensive to you or someone else, but if I say “just sayin” then it’s okay.”
There have been other phrases in the past that have been used in this way. For example: “bless your heart” or “pray for so and so”. Both have been used as a way to excuse what someone just said or was about to say. I have to say that this phrase, “just sayin” is often just a poor excuse for having bad manners. To say that someone has bad hair or is mean and, then say “just sayin”, and think that you have not offended someone by your remark, is wrong. Not everyone who says this phrase does so with offense in mind, I realize that. And I in fact have also used this phrase, I am in no way coming down on the phrase itself, but the way it is used.
I think there is a deeper issue here. There is a movement among Christians and non Christians alike to be more “real”. I can totally get down with being “real” when you are being “real” about yourself or in a nice way. However, I think being “real” should not include offending others. Maybe it’s just my southern-ness that is coming out here but, I think we should all say nice things to one another. And if someone really does have bad hair, don’t tell them that, even if they ask. The only way you should say that to someone is if you are their spouse, or some other close relationship, and that person has not been seen in public with said hair, and said hair can be changed. I will give an example. (Disclaimer: this is about my husband and he now knows about this story and thinks it’s funny) So, a few weeks ago my husband asked me to cut his hair. He usually cuts it, but he wanted me to try it. I have tried in the past and while I am talented in many things, haircutting is not one of them. (sorry Donna, I guess I learned nothing from you). Anyway, so I made a little boo boo and it was much shorter than looked appropriate. However, I did not say anything to Glenn about it at the time because following my rules for telling truths about hair, he could not have changed it so I should not say anything about it. It didn’t look that bad, really. So, this week when he asked me to cut his hair again, I confessed. He told me that he was glad I had not told him how it looked the first time, and that if that were to ever happen again that I should do the exact same thing.
I am not condoning lying, if someone asks you point-blank something you should answer truthfully, but tactfully. Those can be done simultaneously, trust me. My point is, I am all for being “truthful” and “real” about yourself. Tell as much truth about yourself as you would like, but when it comes to someone else’s “truth” let them tell it. Saying something mean or hurtful and then saying something like “just sayin” is not cool. Speak the truth in LOVE.
I leave you with a few key questions to ask yourself when speaking truth to someone:
1. Can this person change what I am about to tell them needs changing?
2. Is this edifying to this person?
3. Do I have a loving relationship with this person based on trust?
4. Would I want someone else to say this to me?
I will get off my soapbox now. Just sayin’ 🙂