Fear. Sometimes fear stops me from living my life. Fear of a lot of things, mostly of the unknown. I realize that it’s not healthy to live in fear nor is it what God would like for me to do, but still sometimes it’s where I live. I am fighting it right now, and have been for a while now. I am going tomorrow to find out if I have to have a cyst removed. It’s “minor” surgery, but that’s what doctor’s like to tell you. It’s only “minor” surgery if it’s on someone else, when it’s on me it’s “major”. I have had this surgery before and it wasn’t fun. I am not looking forward to it, especially the impact it will have on my nursing 6 month old. I can’t nurse for 3 days, that’s going to be loads of fun. Anyway, I am fighting fear.
It’s so easy to fall into fear. It comes up and grabs you. And it’s really easy to just stop your life and get stick in fear. But that is not where we should be as Christians.
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
The Bible says to “fear not” 365 times, once for every day. I know this, but yet I fear still. Why? Do I not believe God’s got the situation handled? I think it’s that I am not sure “how” He will handle it. God doesn’t always answer the way we would like. Of course, in this situation I would like for this cyst to be gone and to not have to have surgery. Who wouldn’t? But I realize that God has a plan in all this and that might not be His plan. I have asked Him over and over to take this away from me, but as we know He doesn’t always do that. Sometimes we have to suffer things because it builds our faith. But just because God might not see fit to answer my prayers the way I would like does that give me the right to sit in fear? Absolutely not. I know God is with me and that He will take care of me no matter what happens.
Satan would like for me to fear this unknown situation though. He wants me to fear because then I am paralyzed and don’t have faith. I am doing my best to take this one day at a time and not dwell on what might be in the future. That helps me to not fear. And I know that “all things work together for good” and that no matter what happens, God will use this thing in my life for my good. I have seen this countless times before. Why then do I doubt it now? It is obviously in our human nature to fear, otherwise God would not have to say “fear not” so many times in the Bible.
I realized over the weekend that I was just “waiting” until this surgery thing was resolved before I would step forward in anything in my life. As I explained how I was feeling to my husband he said “you just have to buy the cat”. That reminded me of a story that happened when we were first married. Glenn and I were convinced that we were called to missions early in our marriage. We just knew that was what God wanted, but things kept coming in our path to prevent us from going anywhere. As we waited we realized we were putting our life on hold to wait for this one thing..missions. We had no idea when God would allow us to go. So, we had considered getting a pet cat, but were worried that God might call us to missions and then what would we do with the cat. We realized that we were putting our life on hold for this one thing. We realized we just needed to get the cat and not be worried about the future. Of course, that was 10 years ago now. But we realized then that you have to live in the moment. Often times fear comes about from looking to far into the future and guessing at “what ifs”. If we live in today and in this moment we will realize that it’s easier to “fear not”.
I may not know what is going to happen tomorrow, or next month. I may have to have surgery, but even so, I will fear not. God is with me and He knows what is ahead and He will walk with me through whatever that may be. In the meantime, I will “get the cat” and live in this moment and not worry about what may come in the future.